Sivan Gabrielovich Drafts

Bus Memory
I was travelling on a bus one day, and a couple got on with their little four year old girl.
A little blonde angel with funky jeans and bratz dolls shoes.
Her parents were junkies and they passed out pretty much as the bus took off.
She sat next to me and we chatted and laughed and she played with my little teddy bear that's attached to the zipper of my bag, and we had a little puppet show going on on the bench of the bus, and then I had to get off.
And I had this massive desire to take her by the hand and say, come with me
Come with me.
Her parents were out for the count, don't know if anyone on the bus would have noticed. I could have taken her by her little blonde hand and given her a life.
A chance.
A way out.
But I didn't.
Coz these days you just can't take little kiddies by the hand and say come with me.
Even if your heart is in the right place.
Even if you can change a kid's life
Even if you have so much to give
And I cant stop thinking about her and if I could have or couldn't or shouldn't have let her go,
Because I have this little niggling feeling in my heart that she knew,
and that she would have come with me
If I took her by her little hand.

I think the concept of reaching out to someone in need but not being able to help is interesting. Alot of the writers have refered to a longing of the sensation of touch and human contact as a side effect of being part of 'The Censored'.

In terms of the world of Senseless there are a few things I can suggest to help you integrate it more.

Firstly, I question the freedom of being able to use the bus in this world - maybe thye are lining up somewhere...?

Secondly, maybe the parents have been taking the normalising pills, conpolsory additives, and 'hooking up' as suggested in Jane's script...or maybe they are lining up to be punnished for not 'hooking up'...going to one of these 'High Security Bunkers'?

Which leads me to my next point - about why your character may have been captured...? It's not necessary to include it, but atleast to know, to hint at it in the story.

OR otherwise - Is this memory a totally seperate memory - of before the TNA? If so, we need to set it up as such. Age and the fact that she has aged alot since then would have to come into it. Also, how are these distant memories transmitted when one is in the state of 'censorship'. Maybe see Rohan's script...

I think finally - the more you work to integrate it to the others the easier it is for the audience to latch onto it, to build a world and a clearer understanding of why this would all occur.

Let me know if you need any other input, or if any of this helps.

All the best,
Liv

hi liv,
hope rehearsals are going good. thanx for your feedback. I've read it a few times and sat with it all yesterday to try and work out how this little story can fit in to it all, and I guess I could be having a generation X Vs. Y moment but I have to admit that I feel quite overwhelmed by the technological nature of the project. this language is really foreign to me and I'm not sure that my style of writing actually fits in a futuristic sci fi type environment.
I don't know if I quite 'get' the environment, and that's no reflection on the project whatsoever but more so on my lack of deep understanding of highy computerised/technologi based environments.
maybe if I had more time to reflect on it and do the research needed, I would have had a better grast of it, but I feel like as far as the july showing goes, I'm not sure I can integrate the story in the way that you need it to fit in with everything else
anyways, let me know what you think
sivan x

Hi Sivan,
I'm helping Liv put this material together and after the next couple of days I think it will be more apparrent to us where we might need some more writing to come from (as per your request on dramaturgical forum). Your little bus story is very beautiful and evocative and romantic, however in relation to Liv's feedback could I suggest checking out Jen's or Jane's work which has incorporated both poetic modes and everyday observances. Maybe another starting point could be the way to go however I dont believe you need to thoroughly understand all the techno jargon to have a stab. Frankly, I'm quite bewildered by it at most times myself! Will keep you posted.
Rochelle

I am often to blogging and i really appreciate your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and keep checking for new information.
Cursos de ingles en el extranjero

What a wonderful post, thanks so much for sharing this with us.

canvas print