I have no problem with your script at all. In fact, I love how others (it seems) have started taking themes from it, related to population control and/or the control of sexual escapades. It all comes together to add a very full layer of humanity to Senseless, great work.
Just a few little things to think about though, so that we can successfully integrate the scripts.
1) When Echo is talking about ‘floaters’ he says they don’t know how they got here (became part of the censored). But Joseph has written an elaborate monologue about the process of censorship, and how this is done in a semi-state of consciousness...You should read it and possibly change or elaborate on that line. Maybe you want to say; you tried to block this process out or something instead…?
2) When talking about squash, one of the floaters asks, ‘Where did you play?’ I think this line ignores the fact that people aren’t allowed outside somewhat. Maybe it could be that the floater asks, “Which program did you play?” or something quirky to imply that they played simulated squash or squash with an A.I or something along those lines…?
3) When talking about becoming a ‘floater’, “Of coarse it didn’t dawn on me until I myself was floating around….” I think it would be a good idea to add the work ‘censored’ in. I know it’s pedantic. Sorry. But maybe, “Of coarse it didn’t dawn on me until I myself was censored, floating around…” or something…? Just to make that concept as clear as possible to the audience. And to incorporate some of the glossary lingo into your piece.
Finally, I think it would be good if you could explain to me, as the performer, a bit more about Echo’s work for the TNA. I don’t quite understand the finer points relating to the mountians, explosions, the South and North, who they are bombing etc. and have tried to elaborate, but keep finding dead ends. Maybe you could post something small for me about ‘Echo’s Work’ or we could just meet up and talk about it?
Some Feedback/Suggestions
Hey,
I have no problem with your script at all. In fact, I love how others (it seems) have started taking themes from it, related to population control and/or the control of sexual escapades. It all comes together to add a very full layer of humanity to Senseless, great work.
Just a few little things to think about though, so that we can successfully integrate the scripts.
1) When Echo is talking about ‘floaters’ he says they don’t know how they got here (became part of the censored). But Joseph has written an elaborate monologue about the process of censorship, and how this is done in a semi-state of consciousness...You should read it and possibly change or elaborate on that line. Maybe you want to say; you tried to block this process out or something instead…?
2) When talking about squash, one of the floaters asks, ‘Where did you play?’ I think this line ignores the fact that people aren’t allowed outside somewhat. Maybe it could be that the floater asks, “Which program did you play?” or something quirky to imply that they played simulated squash or squash with an A.I or something along those lines…?
3) When talking about becoming a ‘floater’, “Of coarse it didn’t dawn on me until I myself was floating around….” I think it would be a good idea to add the work ‘censored’ in. I know it’s pedantic. Sorry. But maybe, “Of coarse it didn’t dawn on me until I myself was censored, floating around…” or something…? Just to make that concept as clear as possible to the audience. And to incorporate some of the glossary lingo into your piece.
Finally, I think it would be good if you could explain to me, as the performer, a bit more about Echo’s work for the TNA. I don’t quite understand the finer points relating to the mountians, explosions, the South and North, who they are bombing etc. and have tried to elaborate, but keep finding dead ends. Maybe you could post something small for me about ‘Echo’s Work’ or we could just meet up and talk about it?
Thanks heaps.
Liv