It is an incredible piece of writing and the themes tackled are wonderfully dealt with. However, I can't work out whether it is too literary...not just long, which strictly speaking - in terms of long term goals should be too much of a problem - but it reads like a well scripted novel to me at the moment as oppossed to a performance piece. I hope you think that's fair. I would have to really study it to make any theatrical suggestions at this point and I would like to throw the ball in your court as the author of this piece to make the necessary adjustments. Livs suggested timleines don't worry me so much, I think at this point keep imagining your own mode of capture and treatment (rather tha it being particularly systematic (more random - more dangerous, I believe). I did understand the black dot thing, unlike Liv, and thought it was quite a nice touch - it's those details - the small markers we ritualistically look out for that we remember.
Look forward to reading more